I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
God gave him joint rollers for hands
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
