even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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