omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
