you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
