another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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