dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
