My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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