Kiss
Puke
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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