cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
