I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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