It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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