probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
