I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We left the knife in your bed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
