2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
