Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
