I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize