We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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