Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My cat gives me a boner
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
