OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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