I think I am morally bankrupt
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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