dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
