i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am midnight drunk by noon
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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