remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
