we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
