I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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