you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
