Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have fence marks all over my body
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
