Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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