he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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