Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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