none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
