Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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