Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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