I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
