if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
