Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
