Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
