If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
