do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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