And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
