I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
