So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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