Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
