Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
