there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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