oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
