Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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