i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
