You're earring is so big in my mouth
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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