Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
