he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just found puke in my bra..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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