I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
