is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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