I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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