i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
