What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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