Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
