I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
