you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
