During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
