You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
