I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
