yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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