I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
