I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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